Bad Seed

Okay, I am going to be real. Yes, it’s true, I have a few faults. I bet you didn’t know. Ha ha, right.

These faults I carry can sometimes bring struggles in the midst of my blessed life, and it is my responsibility to be assertive enough to weed out the problems that tend to bloom up at any given time. For instance, yesterday, when I let anger consume me.
I’m sure you’re on the edge of your pew with anticipation about this anger issue, so I will explain.

I know, given my childhood, that I can become extremely angry at the thought of the man of the house putting his desires, especially work, before regarding the love and care he is to show his family. This situation can send a shock wave right through my mind bringing about some serious harsh comments and stress-building anger. When some time has passed without Brandon spending time with me and the girls, I become on edge with arrow-piercing words ready to spew from my mouth. Though Brandon is the most wonderful husband, he leans toward the workaholic side of life, making me on constant lookout for the unwanted neglectful situation.

The fault doesn’t set with his driven frame of mind, but the anger I let overtake our household when I perceive his hours away from home as his desire not to be with his family. Again, this is due to the life I led as a child and the role my dad played with my brother and me.

So, when I was reading the passage in Scripture where Jesus gives the parable of the Kingdom of God being like sowed seeds in a field, a new meaning hit me in the face.
Jesus explains the parable where there is good seed and then an enemy came and sowed tares. He is asked if the good seed should be pulled up with the bad, and Jesus says to let the seeds both grow together and at the time of harvest He will separate them. Jesus explains that the enemy is the devil and the bad seed are the wicked that he deceives. (Matthew Chapter 13)

When I read this chapter again last week, I began to think of this parable in a different way. Yes, I know that I want to be the good seed Jesus is able to allow into the Kingdom of Heaven. However, I began to imagine there could be good seed and bad seed sown into our lives we may need to weed out as it blooms to deter from allowing destruction.

One big seed placed in my life as a young child was one of a part-time dad and dysfunctional, unstable family. This seed grew alongside the seeds of my grandmother’s Christian influence, peer pressures and traditional education. While some seeds bloom positive outcomes, others show an ugly head of negativity.

Again, I am responsible for the reaction and actions I take as a result of these sown seeds. (It isn’t Brandon’s fault I grew up with a dad who came in and out of my life with father-daughter heart breaks along the way, and Brandon doesn’t deserve a quick lash of words when he is unaware of what he may have done to upset me.)

To make good choices pleasing to God in spite of the sown bad seeds or tares in my life, personally, I believe you have to be fully aware of who you are as a whole person.

I know myself well enough to know I have anger issues when dealing with certain situations. I know if someone is brave enough to ask for an honest opinion, I will be brave enough to tell them my thoughts and hope I don’t lack good tactics or a kind tone of voice. I know I tend to push others toward making decisions I would want them to rather than allowing room for lessons learned through fault.

I need to acknowledge my tendencies to be capable of being cautious of my attitude and actions. If I am unable learn my weaknesses and to hold on to God’s strengths through my life’s negative triggers, I won’t be watchful enough to keep from, in turn, planting bad seed in someone else’s life.

My desire is not to become an enemy tearing apart the good seeds God is seeking to plant for others. God will hold us accountable for the production or fruit in our garden and at the time of the harvest, He will make a separation between what is good and bad according to His standards.